:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
