his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am naked and annoyed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
