the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
