Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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