I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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