Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
