it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
