Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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