My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
