Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
