these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
