Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
