Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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