I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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