I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
