How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
