Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
