you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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