Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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