After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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