We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize