i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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