Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
