Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
