I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
