p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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