i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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