I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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