As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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