I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
