I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
