Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
