you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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