Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
