do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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