So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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