Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
