He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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