and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
