DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
