Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
