Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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