Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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