Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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