Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
