that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
