Me too!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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