how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
