you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
