Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
