Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
