I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
