okay pat passed out under dana's car
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
