i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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