words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
