I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
