i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize