I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
