The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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