No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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