One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
