currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
