1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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