I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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