Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
